Ho, Ho Bloody Ho

It's 4 days before Christmas, is everyone in the Holly Jolly spirit yet?? I just can't seem to find that festive feeling in me yet, maybe I should just accept that this year I won't feel it because of the tablets, but there we are.

For me, something that really encapsulates Christmas (aside from the religious aspects and drinking far too much wine) is to think of others, be generous and kind, and give what you can to make other people who may not be having the best time of their lives a bit of a lift. To that end, I thought it would be a great time to give my first ever blood donation! 

I went along to the local Town Hall this afternoon for my appointment, feeling a little bit sick at the thought of being hooked up to a machine that would suck a pint of blood from my veins! After filling in a form I was asked to drink a big drink of juice to keep my blood pressure up and help prevent me from fainting during the appointment. Then a kindly looking male nurse took me into a private booth to ask me some questions about my medical health and history, and to test my iron levels. 

Now if you ever go along to a blood donation for the first time, this is the bit you really won't like. They spike the tip of your finger with a sharp tool, squeeze it until blood comes out and suck some out of the wound with a pipette - then drop a blob in some blue stuff. If the blob sinks, you've got good iron levels. If it floats, you've got a problem and may be anemic (not good for blood donation). The thing is, they don't tell you how much the spike hurts! People would probably just tell me to man up and deal with it - people lose legs and complain less - but honestly it really stings, and the pain lasts for a while after! Anyway, plaster on the offended finger and back to the waiting area I went.

Shortly a friendly but matronly looking nurse came and fetched me - my turn had arrived. She sat me down in a big scoopy plastic chair with comfy cushions on the feet and behind my head and proceeded to try and find a vein in my left arm. Apparently there weren't any veins in my left arm so she tried the right instead hoping for better luck. Success! A big fat vein perfectly central in my arm. Matron nurse took an antiseptic wipe and polished my elbow vigorously with it like it was a rusty silver Christmas tree ornament, and then I was "ready to go". Eek. On with the blood pressure cuff to make the vein stick out, clenched fist, sharp scratch and "OUCH" the needle was in. 

I watched the blood disappear from my body into the plastic blood bag next to me and felt strangely relaxed as the Christmas tunes played in the background. My arm felt a little tingly but not painful, and I thought about how much my donation would end up helping people. At my Slimming World meeting later, a friend told me how good a thing it was to do, as you really are saving a life by donating. That felt good.

So the donation came to an end, and the machine started to making its bleepy noises and Matron nurse returned to whip the needle out of my arm and get me sat up straight and my arm dressed. I was excited now for my reward of biscuits! After making sure I was okay, I was led over by Matron nurse to the recovery area, where there were trays of chocolate biscuits, crisps and plenty of juice to keep the generous donors' blood sugars up. I grabbed myself an orange chocolate club and some orange squash to match, chilled out for 20 minutes and finally felt ready to go. Not woozy or ill at all, although my arm felt a little heavy but no worse than after a vaccination.

Anyway, that was it! I hope if anybody reading is thinking about donating blood but wants to know more about what goes on, this clears things up and reassures that there really isn't anything to worry about. Go and book that appointment, and give a really important gift this Christmas season.

You only get out what you put in

So here I am, moaning on and on about how I've been struggling to complete this list when, in reality, all I do of a weekend these days is sit on my backside watching Big Bang Theory reruns. It's not the way I pictured life as a fully-functioning adult, and I certainly think my lack of activity outside of work is something that has contributed to my depression.

But things are on the up. Lately I've started to feel like the drugs are actually working, and I feel more like my old self these days. I'm not fully there yet but I've started to get back the drive and motivation I used to have to get things done - not just work but adventures. The realisation hit me today that the only way I'm going to get the most out of life is by making things happen myself - adventures aren't going to fall into my lap like they did with Bilbo Baggins (unless a wizard does turn up on my doorstep tomorrow and in that case consider me stood corrected!)

Today I counted that in total, I have ticked 37 things off of the "100 things" list. I am going to make every effort to push that up to 50 by the end of the year. To that end, I've booked tickets for Rocky Horror in January, King Lear in April (Shakespeare play live), redeemed an offer for a discounted skiing lesson and started filling my old empty Terramundi with spare £1 coins and a couple of notes when possible. I've also got 4 iconic films to see and 8 foods to eat that I've never tasted before written down in a list on my fridge -

1. Caviar
2. Polenta
3. Courgette flowers
4. Durian Fruit
5. Frogs Legs
6. Snails
7. Sweetbreads
8. Kangaroo (I actually have kangaroo steaks in the freezer, so that's tonight's tea sorted!)

• The Good the Bad and the Ugly
• Home Alone (tis the season!!)
• The Exorcist
• Rocky

So on top of gigs, Christmas parties, work and visiting family and friends, December is going to be a hectic month. But it'll be worth it as I'm really determined to enjoy the remnants of the year, and make 2016 one to remember. Depression will NOT hold me back any longer, and that is that.

Big Achievement!

I've finally paid off my student overdraft and credit cards!!!!!!!!!!!!

(That's it, that's the entire blog post)

Drive out the Darkness

I'm not even sure if anyone reads this thing, but greetings to anybody out there who has stumbled upon my little corner of the internet.

It's been nearly 3 years since I last posted here and in that time a lot of things have happened. After struggling for money as a graduate with temp jobs and casual contracts, I finally got myself a full time job as a music teacher - no more feelings of dread when I see the postman bringing the bills each morning! I'm also really settling into my career as a freelance musician, getting a nice variety of work on all my instruments.

2 years ago I  finally passed my driving test and moved into a flat all by myself - no more flatmate arguments. Recently I bought a brand new car and I've even entered the scary territory of looking at getting a foot onto the property ladder...I'm really growing up! New relationships and friendships have come and gone, and I've found myself far more well-traveled to places like Southern France, Finland, The Falkland Islands and Cyprus since becoming a full member of the Army Reserves as a musician 2 and a half years ago.

Summing all the positive things that have happened in just a few short sentences does make it look like life is just peachy for me at the moment, and I suppose in a lot of ways I'm very lucky. I've worked very hard to get to where I am today but also owe a lot of it to supportive friends and family who've pushed me when I've started to slip.

However over the last few months, I've started to feel restless again. You know what I mean, when your day to day life doesn't bring you any sort of joy, and you feel like you need to get out and go on an adventure and do something that gets your adrenaline soaring for a few weeks? Well, that. I've felt like this a few times before and done crazy things on the spur of the moment - booked a session swimming with sharks, going away alone to Paris, and most recently booking myself into an expensive suite in a city centre hotel for a night of being pampered with massages, facials and gourmet food & wine.

All these spontaneous things have made me feel great for a time, but the feeling of joy hasn't lasted that long. I know I'm stuck in a rut. I feel shy and anxious about the person that I am, and feel like I have to have crazy stories about my life to tell people so that they will be interested in what I have to say and not bored by me. I even think deep down that's why I created this "list" in the first place.

The thing is it goes deeper than just being restless. Honestly, I think I feel like this because I don't really like the person I am right now. Most of the time I genuinely feel totally and utterly worthless, because all I do is go to work and go to play at gigs. Other than that all I can motivate myself to do is shut myself inside in front of the TV with my laptop, doing some small bits of admin if I really have to, but otherwise just slobbing. I justify this by telling myself I work very hard and deserve lazy nights in, but these slob nights are fast eating away at the rest of my life like some giant emotional black hole. I have been diagnosed by the doctors with clinical depression which I am currently taking medication for. In a way it's helped, I feel less on edge and anxious but I can't seem to drag myself out of this eternal listlessness. I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of losing the passion I used to have for things in my life like spending time with my friends, trying to swim as many lengths as possible in 40 minutes or even my beloved music that I've dedicated my life to.

The one thing I suppose that has kept me from losing my job and my sanity completely has been making little lists of things I have to get done day to day. Simple things that most people don't think about, from making breakfast to taking out the rubbish bin (sometimes the list even has something as simple as getting showered and going outside for a walk, because I know I won't even get out of my PJs if it's not on my list), through to typing up that list of gifted and talented pupils for my manager or arranging Christmas carols for my pupils. I've always been a fan of making lists of things to do, and even more of crossing things off those lists - as I'm sure many people are - it makes you feel productive and useful, and like you are contributing something good to your own little world, and perhaps in a small way to the worlds of others around you. At least by being able to do this, I've been able to prevent myself becoming a complete recluse.

My point, I suppose, is that I'm sick of feeling restless and covered by a black cloud constantly. I want excitement in my life, I want adventure. I want to do everything that's on this list and so much more. I want to ride elephants in India, try Tom Yum in Thailand and drink rum on the beach listening to a live samba band in Cuba, and see the rest of the world while it's here to see.

I have a perfectly good list here of new and exciting experiences to me that's existed for over 4 years, and now I need to stop making excuses to myself and try to get through it. Maybe I'll even start to like the person I really am again somewhere along the way.

2013: Let's ring in the changes.

Well, as far as New Year changes go, I suppose this post is a little late.

A lot has happened in the last 6 months, and whilst the majority of it is not suitable for a public forum such as this blog, unfortunately circumstances that have arisen that mean that I will hereby be completing the rest of this list on my own.

Well, that's not strictly true. That would be pretty dull, wouldn't it? Especially as the whole point of the list was to have fun and gain new experiences. Anybody who wants to join in with me completing the challenges is more than welcome - just get in touch!

Obviously money is still an issue with a lot of the items on the list, so the focus is more on the cheap/free items. Next week we'll be having a Star Wars Marathon (Complete, of course, with Star Wars-themed food and drinks, light-sabers optional) which I'm really looking forward to - especially as my new housemate has never seen Star Wars before, which frankly is a criminal offence. I have to say that I've never watched them all back to back before. Bring it on!

As for items that have been completed in my absence....ooooh I've been part of a Flash Mob! A youth amateur (in name only, let me assure you, they are phenomenal) dramatics group called MyUK which have hubs all over the UK, including Manchester, are performing Les Miserables (school edition) at the Z-Arts Centre in Hulme in February. (I'm so excited, I'm in the band and it's one of my favourite shows!!!)
Anyway to promote the show, we took to the Trafford Centre and emerged as if from nowhere to sing one of the songs from the show, One Day More. It was videoed and went on YouTube, and has achieved over 20,000 hits so far. Incredible. (And terrifying how many people have seen me playing the flute...!) You can watch it below. Come see the show, it'll blow your mind!

Summertime, and the livin' is easy...

Well, it's a year since Jemima and I made the list, and so far we've not particularly gotten very far with it. Saying that, since the last blog update, we have made a MASSIVELY OBSCENE PUDDING WITH EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IN IT - including Angel Delight, whipped cream, jaffa cakes, sweets, dairy milk, ice cream, strawberry sauce and a whole manner of other diabetes-inducing ingredients. (It was disgusting.)

We also rode a Mechanical Bull in the shape of a wine bottle at our end of RNCM Summer Ball (there is picture evidence for this somewhere but I think it's safer if it stays off this particular blog, as they weren't the most flattering of photographs). And we've cleared out all our junk at a proper early morning car-boot sale.

However, we've still ticked only off 18 out of 100 things, which in a year isn't a great record. And without the security of student loans when September hits, money is far tighter than it has been before, at least until we can manage to find ourselves decent jobs.

But it's not all doom and gloom, as we've spent this afternoon figuring out how many things on the list (of the 82 things still to do) are free or less than £10 each. There's at least 23 things that are free, and 21 things that are cheap enough for us to be getting on with, which will push us past the half way point of the list, which would be great! (And gives us time to save up money for the more expensive things, like going to a Michelin Star Restaurant or staying overnight at Alton Towers!)

Today, we initiated our "culture swap", something which we could do for free without even needing to leave the house! We gave each other a book, DVD and one other miscellaneous item that meant something to us that the other has not yet discovered, and wrote a card explaining why we'd chosen what we had.

Silence of the Lambs, All the Small Things
 and Monkey Island

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Wuthering Heights and
a challenge to cook fragrant rice in the rice cooker
 (something I never use because I hate it!!)

The whole point of the Culture Swap is to gain an insight into what makes the other person tick, discovering things you've never found yourself before that have been a big or important part of someone else's life, and sharing that love. I'm really looking forward to reading Wuthering Heights and watching One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, not so much about using the rice cooker haha. I hope Jemima really enjoys Silence of the Lambs and Monkey Island (the best computer game in the world ever), and I know she'll love All the Small Things!

Now we just need to get on the rest of this list...by pressing flowers, sending a message in a bottle, writing a groovy pop song and maybe even GIVING BLOOD (eek!)

Makeover shoot and Mastermind

The list is still pottering along slowly but surely...
Latest achievements have been taking part in a Makeover Shoot and for myself, being in the audience of Mastermind!

First of all, I was lucky enough to be invited to be in the audience of Mastermind by my friend Gemma (unfortunately there was only one spare ticket so Jemima couldn't do this one with me). The day was really interesting, seeing exactly what happens behind the scenes that you obviously don't see on TV, and to keep the audience entertained during the long breaks where the crew would have to reset we had a comedian! It was a fun experience that I'd love to try again sometime, though this time with Jemima so she can tick it off her list too!

So, the makeover shoot. Well, Jemima bought this experience with New-ID studios for my birthday back in February, but we've not had a chance til lately to make the most of it! We were both very excited to go along and get pampered for the day, and have a team of lovely ladies make us up into beauties.

The day started off with a nice glass of complimentary Buck's Fizz (which made us feel exceptionally classy) whilst I kept Jemima company as she had her hot pink hair re-dyed to a slightly less intense red/pink. Then we both had our hair cut, although I had to make up a story about how a "trainee at Supercuts had ruined my hair" because I was too ashamed to admit that I had attempted to cut it myself.

With both of us looking better already after having our hair tidied up professionally, we were then moved on to the make-up chair, but not before another cheeky Buck's Fizz was handed to us. I was slightly worried after previous 'make-up artist' exploits that the lady would cake me in make-up and leave me bearing an uncanny resemblance to those girls you see on "Snog, Marry, Avoid", but the experience was wonderful. Of course, they have to put a little more make-up on than you may be used to because of the impending photoshoot and the lights they use, but I came away from the chair feeling prettier and sexier than I had done in ages.

After waiting around for a little while we were both called in for our photoshoot. A series of pictures in a range of our 3 outfits, mostly with the photographer telling us how to pose but we were able to contribute our own ideas, so I managed to get a few publicity shots with my clarinet. Also, my favourite picture that was taken was when we both randomly grabbed some teddy bears which were lying in a 'prop box' in the corner and ran into the shot giggling manically. The photographer loved it and eagerly snapped us acting like crazy kids.


Unfortunately, the pictures are very expensive (although we got a very good deal). Thankfully we can pay monthly so we can actually afford them! And believe me, for the self-esteem boost alone, they are well worth the money.